is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
