Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
