while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
