Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Randomize
