think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
