Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
