I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
