I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
