Just mADE A PArabola og urine
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
