Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
