So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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