People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
