the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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