well I can't set my house on fire every night
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
