break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
