Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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