apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
