i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
