It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
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