So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
