just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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