I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
