I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
