My friends, they love my intelligence
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
It's official drugs can't kill me
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
