I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
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