All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
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