She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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