So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
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