dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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