I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
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