why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
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