I need to stop coming to work sober
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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