She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
