loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
