So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
