The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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