I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
