I got chris browned last night
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
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