1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
