ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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