Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
