med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
