take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Randomize
