I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
