proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I am midnight drunk by noon
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
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