4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
