I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
