Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
You did what with his pubic hair?
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
