do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
