Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Randomize
