based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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