So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
