Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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