Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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