somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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