wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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