I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
